Wednesday, August 10, 2005
7:47 PM
spending the weekends at home is the best choice to escape from eveything and stop myself from going out and face the world. i had been idulging myself in the 26 discs (30 + episode of 'wo he jiang shi you ge yue hui') nonstop. i can even watch till late night like 3 am. i avoid all calls and sms from frens. i hate the months of august. i seriously hate the date 9. i have always been living in fear and anxiety as if sumthing going to happen to me any mintute. i always feel the lonliness and fear on that day. i hate to go through this day. i plan to escape for a few weeks yet on national day i got to turn up cos of the parade. i hate that day. cos i will always remember last year this day. i never accompany the guy that i like cos i want to watch the parade. i amm so guilty so ... guilty. things is not going to change. i dunh like weekends too. and also public hols. it will remind me of alot of things. i rtied to go out with frens but i will see things and ppl that i really want to escape from. i had been escaping for so many months. i can never face up. i am in a lost. i tried so many ways to find my old self but its so hard. i tried a different me. went to work in a pub and accompany ppl and tok to them. to others its like a sleezy job but i think its not that bad. so yar did sumthing different and make sum frens but i am not happy. i really am not.
i wish my life is perfect-`
