Tuesday, August 30, 2005
4:23 PM
happy Day!!!
went for a performance today!! haha um.. he so cute... but haha not going to say much... hai... so much happen over the past week. Did something wrong... sin... i am really evil but how?.... am doing to ppl wat i dun wan ppl to do to me but i really cannot help it. i dun wan to hurt him... ok stop blaming urself, em. its over.
stop askin!!!!! i am forcing myself to stop asking about the PERSON!!! hai... so i am trying... hahha trying trying trying.... lalallala die liao have been skipping alot of lectures cos either i am lazy or really sick +lazy..... so how?... um...
i am really dead from shopping too... wah i realise everytime with hui... we will shop till late and i am always bringing home something new... she leh... sometimes buy but not all the time. not like me... impulsive buyer and spender... how?!!!! summore i on the entertainment spree... keep wasting money on ktv and eating and lots more... hai... wat to do!!!!! help.... :P
i wish my life is perfect-`
Sunday, August 21, 2005
3:20 PM
another day
Its been some time that i managed to blog again. its been a busy week that i almost can't get a rest. so today is the only day that i can sit now i managed my work. so yar i am also sick... probably got virus somehow. haix..... anyway last sunday this time, i was at ubin... taking my photos... oh myy gosh.. it was such a .... wah and wohh experience... it was like some many photographers standing in front of u and all u need to do is to smile and pose and look here and there.... it is really fun especially u are like the center of attention. although there is fun there is also the not 'fun' side... the rain and the stupid mostiquo... stinking me everywhere. the worse is glady. she got stink on the face too... um 'o' blood type... beware haha...
on tue went out with derrick, ant and hui... was really fun too.. i mean haha although like wat derrick say in his blo... 'a genius try to set fire to a pencil'... um that was really funny but watching the movie was also cool... um.. though ant sit so upright which i dun noe why... haha...
then yup... its like haha the cashier also ask us whether we want the couple seats.... :P wait long man ..... yup
anyway the week was busy but also enjoyable.... um... although i got molested by an angmo.... but lets forget about it haha...
shit man the soccer season is back... arghh.... my dad is going to watch the show so i better go but some vcd to watch on my com... hai... haha sumone told me that i was more important than a soccer match... thanks man... i really appreciate that....
i wish my life is perfect-`
Saturday, August 13, 2005
4:24 PM
Saturday the 13th
Staying at home now with noisy people in the house. Woke up late as usual and i have to push my tution backwards. Not that i want that to happen but with all the late night sleeping and insomia, I can't help it but to lay in bed longer in the morning. Today is a day whichI rather skip it. Never to go past. But it will be over soon in 10 hrs time. Endure. Going to put myself into the storybook later which I borrowed from the new national library. That show i am going to pass time. Was told to go work and replace someone but i still don't know the decision. Wait then. Slept late last night. Was pouring out my sorrows to mingyang.Guilty. Made him increased his phonebill. He is understandable towards me. But you see, I am hopeless. Really. Called another fren later in the night to have a chat. Very funny guy. He was trying to tell me some jokes to make me happy. Thanks for the effort. I mean i really did laugh so its not fake one. Anyway find that toking to him is amusing cos he will always try to talk and make himmself fit into the best description of my ideal guy. And again, thanks for the effort!! :p Anyway like i say, I am suffering from some mental loss. So can'tremember what I actually talk to him about. Only to find out in the morning that he was touched by what I told him. Anyway he is even surprised that I called him! I was surprised too.
i wish my life is perfect-`
Picked up the phone.
Dialled with fear.
No sound from me.
But voice on other.
Sweet but different.
Distant and bitter.
Words from my mind.
Stayed where it like.
The line is dead.
Tone like my heart.
All in the box.
Memories and more.
Burn it away.
Throw it the same.
Never again.
In my own brain.
i wish my life is perfect-`
School sucks
i do not like school cos i am all alone again. i had to sit with strangers who i have to force my self to tok to them but they like not willing to tok. so i am always the one toking yup.. trying to act sociable :( ok but in a way is also nice cos i can actually expand my social circle but i miss having lec with my best fren. yup she is also so ke lian cos she got noone too haha. (as if i am her only fren). anyway the worse thing that happen to me is breaking the screem of my mp3 player because of my butt. yeah blame it on that.
this month there is something in the air :) get to know more ppl especially guys. my age and older. um dunno why there is a sudden entry into my world. so yar... tmr its sat.. um the 13th.
i wish my life is perfect-`
Friday, August 12, 2005
1:11 PM
From the book - The Promise
"I saw him. He's callous, hard, drive, cold. Oh I don't know, maybe there's something there. But there's a lot of new stuff too."
'How about pain? Loss? Disappointment? Grief?'
"No, Faye(a pysch councellor), how about betrayal, abandonment, desertion, cowardice? Those are real issues aren't they?"
'I don't know. Are they? Is that how you still feel when you see him?'
"Yes." Her voice was hard again now. "I hate him."
'Then you must still care for him a great deal.'
i wish my life is perfect-`
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
7:47 PM
spending the weekends at home is the best choice to escape from eveything and stop myself from going out and face the world. i had been idulging myself in the 26 discs (30 + episode of 'wo he jiang shi you ge yue hui') nonstop. i can even watch till late night like 3 am. i avoid all calls and sms from frens. i hate the months of august. i seriously hate the date 9. i have always been living in fear and anxiety as if sumthing going to happen to me any mintute. i always feel the lonliness and fear on that day. i hate to go through this day. i plan to escape for a few weeks yet on national day i got to turn up cos of the parade. i hate that day. cos i will always remember last year this day. i never accompany the guy that i like cos i want to watch the parade. i amm so guilty so ... guilty. things is not going to change. i dunh like weekends too. and also public hols. it will remind me of alot of things. i rtied to go out with frens but i will see things and ppl that i really want to escape from. i had been escaping for so many months. i can never face up. i am in a lost. i tried so many ways to find my old self but its so hard. i tried a different me. went to work in a pub and accompany ppl and tok to them. to others its like a sleezy job but i think its not that bad. so yar did sumthing different and make sum frens but i am not happy. i really am not.
i wish my life is perfect-`
Saturday, August 06, 2005
3:54 PM
Saturday Green
was feeling saturday green today :) unable to concentrate on wat i suppose to do and definitelynot feeling good. happen to saw the application for dance compeition a few days ago, so started to call my dance team mates to ask whether they want to join the compeition and go on stage again. however i failed cos either they are too busy with their work or they can't join cosof some commitment. i seriously do not blame them. but because of this i become very moody and can't control my anger. i keep telling myself that i am no good so the rest do not want to dance with me again and anyway i know my standard very well- not as good. nobody actually understand how badly i want to go on stage to perform again. its not that i want to show offor watsoever reason one can think of. i really miss the trainings and performances. i miss it so much but nobody knows. i miss the times that someone came to give support and always there when i perform. i really hope to go back to the past but i noe i can't anymore.i am not a good dancer as compared to the rest. i am not as flexible as i think i am. seriously i tried to improve but it did not help. i know with my skills now, going on stage will not only embrassed me but also my instructor. i really let her down. she told me once - life is a show, u learn after watching and grow from there not repeating the same drama. i really hope to be like herbut i bloody well know that i can't. why do i want to perfrom so badly? there are so much memories,bad and good. by going back again i will sure be sad again yet also happy. so ironic. happy to beback to dance. sad to see that noone is going there to watch me again. back in sec, i always hope that my parents to see me perform on stage especially big performances. but they never turn up.it has been like this till i am in jc. not that they did appear, but i found sumone even moreimporant in mu life and i want him to be there to watch. i had happy days then. happy and excited to perform cos i noe there is someone going to watch the performance because of me. not anymore.i am working hard to go back to dance so i can also get rid of the 'bad' memories. i have to try all ways to get myself well again. i have no choice. think i need a few days break from the world. should be attempting a missingin action mission.crazy idea? going to put it into action soon. don't miss me.
i wish my life is perfect-`
Friday, August 05, 2005
3:57 PM
review- the promise
i read this novel by daniell steel- the promise. super touching book. finished in 4 hrs overat macdonald. i myself couldn't believe i sat there for so long just to finish my book. but seriously it was so interesting and touching that i can't help but to finsh the book. the author uses emotion words to actually hit the reader heart and feelings. i can't control my tears from falling while reading the book. can u imagine that? sitting in mac and crying. hahai was that gal man. the title caught my attention while i was seeking some books in the library.just want to check out what actually promises are- something that is meant to be broken? tryfinding out yourself in that book.
i wish my life is perfect-`
idiotic
my poor brother is rejected twice from two different primary school. how could this be happening man. its so freaking irritating. the reason for not letting him is cos the skol is 2 km away wat the heck... pl? stupid rite. piss off. then now i have to type an appeal letter to the skol that i wan him to get in. i mean its only 3 bustop away leh then is 2km. wah lau wat stupid rule lor. worse still, he got to register later cos he dun have siblings studying in the skol b4. whu is to blame man... whu ask him have 3 sister studying in gals skol then he cannot go to that skol. angry man... i nearly write a letter to moe to say them leh... give us the date so late and left us with no choice. i mean its really lame.
hai whu won't want your family members to study in a better skol. i mean after so much studing over the years, i came to realise that a good skol really means alot to a child future. i used to think that wat ever skol u go, as long as u study hard and prove urself, u will defintely be able to do well in the future. however thinking back now, it happens to only a minority. to most ppl, if we were in a better skol, our results will sure be better than now. dun u think so ?
i wish my life is perfect-`
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
8:26 PM
DAnce rocks!!!
haha know wat? today is the first time i saw myself in the mirror grinning away so happily hahha its been such a long time that i am so happy. haha was shocked at myself... um today the instructor was very cute!!! saw him the second time liao was really glad to see him again. after i saw him, i can't stop grinning and smiling haha.:P after practice, the first person i want to call is hui but she never seem to answer my call and also andrea... finally i called my guy friend. hah he was very shocked to hear me so happy that he himself also laughed. cannot help it man... um i may not see him again but i will try to go and noe him better. wat's more!! he is a christian!!! ahha wat i am thinking man... not so good yar.. but truly i was happy today like never before. not that i am head over heels towards him lar, its just that he gave me a special feeling. though he is not up to my expectation ( his height) but whu cares!!!! i am mad!!!!!
i wish my life is perfect-`
